Most times it seems like my mind never stops running, it’s like it’s working overtime to make sure I can never just chill out. Isn’t that super fun and cute? Tonight is no different but I figured I’d share.
Do you think you ever truly stop missing people? Sometimes I think it’s possible but then other times I think missing someone actually gets worse with time. I guess nostalgia is partially to blame for that. I could look back at some of the worst times in my life and remember a single moment that had a beautiful feeling and instantly wish I was back in all the bad just to feel that one thing one more time. I’m beginning to think that time doesn’t actually heal all wounds. Maybe time just offers us exactly that, time. It offers us time to find ways to numb out longing for someone’s company. It offers us time to get used to living with a constant yearning for one more conversation. Maybe time doesn’t heal shit. I just don’t know how to forget about the people that made me feel so much.
Sometimes I get worried that I’ll never know my authentic self. I think most of humanity is missing out on knowing their authentic self though. We enter this world and are immediately conditioned by society, subconsciously and consciously. Regardless who our parents are, how we’re raised, or where we’re raised, this societal conditioning creates so many barriers as to make sure we essentially “fit in”. More than just fit in though, it’s like a form of control. It keeps people from doing things like reacting or expressing. I feel like there are so many levels of this type of control and how humanity is suffering from it. I don’t know if this necessarily makes sense, sometimes my thoughts don’t translate into writing very well.
Part of me wants to get a fake ID so I can actually go out with people I work and surround myself with because I’m kind of over feeling like a 10 year old all the time but I’m not really feeling the whole spending money on a piece of plastic for the social benefits things.
On that note I’m gonna go to bed with hopes that my roommates will (kindly) shut the fuck up so I can sleeeeeeep. Namaste.